It's no secret: this has been a year of sowing in tears, not one of which went unnoticed.
And a year of reaping, oh so gradually, in joy.You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8
Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. Psalm 126:5
I've captured plenty of smiles on camera over the past year. I'm not saying most of them weren't genuine on some level. But there's a certain smile you get from your child when you walk into the room--not coaxed, not the result of acting goofy or tickling, not the same smile the story time lady gets, but a smile that comes out of a place of contentment and happiness and belonging, one that speaks Oh, hey mama (my mama), it's you. I'm really glad to see you right now! You know when you see it the emotion that lies beneath. That's the kind of smile I got this morning. In fact, I've seen a bunch of them lately...and I have reason to believe they're gonna keep on coming.
We have survived one year together. All of us. And yeah, there have been a lot of days where simply making it to bedtime was a sweet victory. It feels like a finish line of sorts, emotionally speaking, but really we're just beginning. One year of healing behind us, one year of fear-busting, one year of therapy, one year of grace and mercy to cover a multitude of mistakes, one year of hard, hard, HARD, one year of love and growth and learning how to belong to each other. We now begin the next leg of our journey in which the scales tip ever further away from fear and sorrow and loss, and ever toward love and and joy, restoration and hope. We know the best is yet to come!
I'll close by sharing this prophetic song by Misty Edwards. A message straight from Father's heart to me, specifically for this first year with Shu, these words have been carved like an epitaph on my soul.
I knew what I was getting into when called you.
I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, but I said it just the same.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I knew what I was getting into.
I knew what I was getting into and I still chose you.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I knew what I was getting into and I still said your name, I said it just the same.
I knew what I was getting into.
And I am not shocked by your weakness.
And I am not shocked even by your sin.
And I am not shocked by your brokenness.
Because only I can see the end from the beginning.
And only I can see where this is going.
And only I can see the end from the beginning.
And I see in you the seeds of love.
And I see in you strength when all you see is your failure, and all you feel is shame.
I can see deeper than that.
I know you better than that.
You’re only at the beginning.
You've only just begun, and I know where you are going.
And all you can see in the moment is that you’re hurting.
And all you can see in the moment is that you’re aching.
I knew what I was getting into when I called you.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I knew what I was getting into and I still like you.
I knew what I was getting into when I called you.
So don't give up.
And don't give in.
If you don't quit, you'll win, you'll win.Everything is in My hands.
It's going to be alright.Everything is in My hands.
It's going to be alright.
It's going to be okay.
And you don't have to pretend to be something or someone you’re not.
Because I know you better than that, even better, even better than that.
Listen my Beloved...Just don't give up.
And don't give in.
If you don't quit, you'll win, you'll win.